Late-Night Personalities Lampoon Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Television's leading hosts used the broadcast mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," characterizing it as a blatant pay-for-access system for the wealthy.

The Late Show's Sarcastic Analysis

Kicking off his show, Stephen Colbert delivered a sardonic holiday jingle about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he crooned. "Trump ... spoils everything he handles."

The focus was the new initiative that permits international citizens to purchase U.S. residence for an investment of a million dollars, or "premium" version for five million. The program's portal pledges approval "faster than ever."

"A brief thought here to affluent applicants: before you pay, have you considered Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the scheme is also designed to "squeeze cash" from businesses wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the that one hotel," he continued.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"It might be time to change that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he noted.

Recently, in a attempt to address prices, Trump held a press conference in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted strangely to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.