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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's faced and conquered numerous challenges, which I admire. But, she has been repeatedly blindsided by others. Her spouse ended their marriage, and it was an unexpected event. A lot of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, as they were only interested in the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She made more effort to be my friend, likely understood more acutely the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, quite a few of her friends vanished and she isn't certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, even though she was very skilled at her work, she departed without knowing why things shifted.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired so we're spending time together, but I am finding the part I play between us is as the audience. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect conversation onto her own topics. Politically, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She's been planning a holiday to a country I've visited many times and lived in for some time. I tried to provide insights, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially just desired me to confirm her plans. I've just returned from 30 days in that place she is eager to meet, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who cuts and runs abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on how I feel about myself. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

You could walk away, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome that we desire. However, addressing it with a view to a solution takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. The second is to express her how it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no disagreement on this point. Emotions are valid, after all. Step three is to ask how you are both can shift the dynamics of your friendship."

Keep in mind she too holds perspectives, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering understanding.

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, for those who hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't release because their very survival relies on it and it represents they trust. It's tough because there's no easy route here, just dead ends. However, she might start out this way and then think about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides closure that you've been open and direct.